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What Outer Space’s Inner Circle is Wearing RIGHT NOW

As we all know, I am from outer space.

And lately, I’m getting a lot of fashion inspirationz from former Egyptian king and long-suspected alien Akhenaten. (He is also possibly our current president.) If you thought Akhenaten was totally revolutionary on earth, you should see what he’s doing in fashion.

See, the dude has the hourglass of power, particularly in the hips region:

And I can’t help but find that ToTalLy InsPiRiNG.

For a space garden party. Shoes. Skirt by Tsumori Chisato. Tshirt by my brother’s old band, The Madison Square Gardeners. My mom got me that necklace in Costa Rica. What? She didn’t get you one? That’s really sad—she must like me more.

For your next business meeting in space. Dries Van Noten hologram shoes. Trench dress by Ever (here’s a similarly spaced-out frock.) Vintage necklace also from my mawm. (Gotta love those moms.)

For space clubbing. These shoes are cooler than mine. Dress by Mirit Weinstock from Pixie Market. Necklace from a children’s toy store in Cannes, just an irreverent something I picked up irreverently on an irreverent summer jaunt to Provence.

One outer space, three ways to look totally Akhenaten—and Pizza—approved.

(I mean, OK, I guess these are sort of peplums or whatever but I don’t listen to trends, what’s a trend? Are you a trend? Aren’t we all just trends? I just keep my grind going and do what I gusta and that’s taken me far, farther than any peplum or PS1 or shoes that look like rockets could hope to carry me, yes folks, it’s carried me all the way from my apartment to really big things.)

So grab your Soviet space dog and throw caution to the solar wind and get out there, up and away, my darling astronauts!

Special shout out to my roommate who is pretty cool but will never be good enough! 

What to Wear 4 Fashions Dressing If You Want Your Roommate To Photograph You

Guys, it’s been a while since you got a nice slice of Pizza. In a perfect world, I’d apologize. But the truth is, we all could use the diet anyways. Fashion week is in like a month, after all, and now isn’t the best time to be gorging ourselves.

But I’m back! And in today’s feature, I’m going to tell you how to Fashions for Fashions for Your Roommate. Initially, I was planning a little feature called “What to Wear to Your Egg Donor Appointment,” inspired by the gaggle of financial opportunities featured on Craigs List, but something about having that show up on my twitter feed probably wouldn’t sit right with my agent

Last night, when the Roommate got home from work, she opened the door to a nice little surprise…

Me-yow! Now there’s a mama worth coming home to and photographying at. Look at those Fashions!  Of course she got snappin’ ASAP. Worked like a dream. 

How did I do it? The key is in articles of clothing that need many descriptive words—and make you wince with each new adjective. To wit (bold parenthetical commentary is you, hypothetically):

Gray (eh) pointy-shouldered (why, God?) crop (oh hell no) top. A la Nasty Gal. Similar here.

Silk (nice) floral (cool, if you’re a curtain) tulip (go fuck yourself) skirt. It’s even worse than you imagine.

Leopard (you’re only hurting yourself) spike-heel (mine eyes!) platform (hooker?) sandals. Similar but just as slutty.

Ninja (stop) hair (I warned you)

Giant (nothing good starts that way) old lady glasses (dork). 

The result?

Bowchickabowwowwwww.