WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

If I haven’t gotten you on the horn recently to chat, you may not know that I, Ms. Pizza Rulez, am killing it in the pantsuit department. Additionally, I moved away from Brooklyn. 

People are always telling me, “But it’s so dull, up there, where you live!” And you know what? It isn’t. Just yesterday I slurped down a bunch of Bloody Marys, changed back into my hot pink J. Crew corduroy pajama pants, and trotted to Barney’s to try on some shoes. The great thing about Barney’s? No one said anything about my pants. They were just like, “Yes, please, try on all the bubble gum pink Walter Steigers you want, young gun!” Also, they stock some rad Hangisis.

If you’re in the neighb and too busy or proud to head to Barney’s in your pajama pants, however, you can totally wear a suit and go to the Frick and perch on a sofa and look up at Turner’s “Harbor of Dieppe” with your unbrushed hair like Cousin It and everyone will be like, “That’s exactly right, that’s exactly as it should be.” To wit:

J. Crew jacket and pants. Abercrombie Kids boy’s chambray button-down. Stubbs and Wootton shoes (or try these! I’m freaking out about these). Hair. 

Tell me where in your little “downtown” with its dog parlors and hair salons for plants and “roooooftop lounges” you can do anything like that. Nowhere? Didn’t think so!!! Not for a minute.

So get uptown before next year!

GET THE LOOK!!!

WANTED: BIKER GIRL GANG MEMBERS.

When I moved to New York with nothing but a suitcase, a dream, and a hose, I immediately realized that if I wanted to achieve anything approximating greatness, I needed to join the Junior League or start a fashion blog. The latter seemed more prudent, and less in keeping with the expectations of my family, so that’s what I went with. 

Now that I’ve lived here for a full year and have aged like a fine wine to twenty-freaking-four-years-young, I realize something far more important: I need to start a Biker Girl Gang.*

*Without bikes.

I need to start a Biker Girl Gang in which all members wear their hair in swoopy pompadours. All members will have seen every episode of Jem and the Holograms but also every episode of Jiz and the Mammograms.

And I need us all to wear this:

When I put this outfit on, all my wants and desires crystallized. Because in this Biker Girl Gang, we are going to wear backless Risto vests with white button downs that have lime green fringe haunting the back like some freakish baroque fantasia and flimsy lace skirts from The Most Pixie of Markets. Accessorizing with Lizzie Fortunato bags and Jenni Kayne flats will be de rigueur. 

Over our outfits, all of us in the Biker Girl Gang will need to wear BADASS matching jackets like this Anna Sui one that has hit me like a truly great woman might’ve hit Hemingway: it makes me want to write better and drink less gin and generallybe a better person because it is so beautiful and amazing and when I see it I blush and laugh awkwardly and don’t know what to say despite my tendency to talkitytalktalk.

Then we are going to stand around like this and say things like, “Do you think the moon landing was real?” And then we are going to watch documentaries about whether or not the moon landing was real, and then afterwards we’ll stop at the Monkey Bar for a drink and then we’ll all go on a field trip to the Frick and look at that Ingres painting and put our finger on our chins and be like “UUUUNNNNGGGHRUHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” One of our members will have gone to the New School and she’ll say something terribly unclever about the ethereal nature of Countesse d’Haussonville’s limbs and the one who went to Barnard will turn to the one who went to Princeton and whisper, “Did she even study Mannerism?” And then we’ll nickname the New Schooler The Mannerism Repeller. (I wonder if she could get that sewn on the back of her Anna Sui jacket?)

But who will be in my Biker Girl Gang? See that sad face? It’s me, on the street, in Brooklyn, wondering if I’ll ever get my Biker Girl Gang. Please submit all inquiries re: participation in Biker Girl Gang to pizzarulezzz@gmail.com or via Twitter at @rsevillet. In the mean time, I’ll be watching this, listening to this, and, of course, dreaming about this. 

Risto vest from Assembly / pushBUTTON shirt and black skirt from Pixie Market / Selima Optique glasses / Lizzie Fortunato bag / Jenni Kayne flats from Fivestory NY