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What to Wear to a Holiday Party in this Doorway!

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been invited to a lot of holiday parties. Hosted by me. Of which I am the exclusive (e.g., only) attendee. In this doorway.

What does one wear, bearing in mind that first impressions are more important than second or even third impressions?

First of all, I look amazing!!!!! Photos by Mz. Tchouster duh.

Luckily, before I even heard about this party, I was already really into standing in front of black doors wearing all black. It’s one of the top-rated things to do in Carnegie Hill.

Which reminds me: in all the New York neighborhoods in which I’ve lived, I’ve had millyunz of local blogs to choose from, from the hip and bustlin’ LES to the up-and-combovers Prospect Heights to that great metropolitan punchline Park Slope. But there is actually no Upper East Side blog.

EXCEPT MINE!!!!!!!!!!

Acknowledging my dominion over the virtual landscape of this prized zip code, I will move on and tell you what I’m wearing.

And what I’m wearing is, a black droopy blazer jacket thing from Pixie Market; a dress from Nasty Gal, my mother’s Chanel Belt (they get them in every once in a while at Decades if you’re jonesin’ hard for one) that I wear as a necklace with a Mark McNairy tshirt south of 14th Street; Bebaroque tights that are covered in crazy fancy sequins because when I put them on it’s like “And in that moment, I swear we were Beyonce”; and some Dani Black shoes from like four years ago.

Actually all of this is from like four years ago, and was a favorite outfit of mine to “GO OUT!!! to cool frat parties!!! 18 to get on the boat, 21 to know true genius!” in college. Yeah, it looked sort of weird then, removed from its Black Doorway context. But now it looks fine, even though it’s all four years old. Or at least I’ll tell myself that, because right now I am in this thing where I am afraid to buy things that aren’t Manolo Blahnik mules or old books.

Is anyone else in this thing where they are afraid to buy things that aren’t Manolo Blahnik mules or old books? Let me know in the comments section I don’t have!!!! (AUDIENCE ENGAGEMENT!)

Regardless, get the look!

What Outer Space’s Inner Circle is Wearing RIGHT NOW

As we all know, I am from outer space.

And lately, I’m getting a lot of fashion inspirationz from former Egyptian king and long-suspected alien Akhenaten. (He is also possibly our current president.) If you thought Akhenaten was totally revolutionary on earth, you should see what he’s doing in fashion.

See, the dude has the hourglass of power, particularly in the hips region:

And I can’t help but find that ToTalLy InsPiRiNG.

For a space garden party. Shoes. Skirt by Tsumori Chisato. Tshirt by my brother’s old band, The Madison Square Gardeners. My mom got me that necklace in Costa Rica. What? She didn’t get you one? That’s really sad—she must like me more.

For your next business meeting in space. Dries Van Noten hologram shoes. Trench dress by Ever (here’s a similarly spaced-out frock.) Vintage necklace also from my mawm. (Gotta love those moms.)

For space clubbing. These shoes are cooler than mine. Dress by Mirit Weinstock from Pixie Market. Necklace from a children’s toy store in Cannes, just an irreverent something I picked up irreverently on an irreverent summer jaunt to Provence.

One outer space, three ways to look totally Akhenaten—and Pizza—approved.

(I mean, OK, I guess these are sort of peplums or whatever but I don’t listen to trends, what’s a trend? Are you a trend? Aren’t we all just trends? I just keep my grind going and do what I gusta and that’s taken me far, farther than any peplum or PS1 or shoes that look like rockets could hope to carry me, yes folks, it’s carried me all the way from my apartment to really big things.)

So grab your Soviet space dog and throw caution to the solar wind and get out there, up and away, my darling astronauts!

Special shout out to my roommate who is pretty cool but will never be good enough! 

Hot Plaid Pizza

Before I say anything, I need to give you a little warning, which is,

Now listen: getting dressed in the morning is a big production for me. After I wash my hair in champagne and get my daily tattoo, I have to bring together all my unique influences—paper napkins, cats, the color black, the note F#—to create a cohesive outfit that perfectly communicates who I am. Just so, you know, people don’t have to ask. Because that’s so awkward.

Whatever, anyways, here’s an outfit.

GHahhahAhhahhhhhhh this skirt is so freaking cool. It’s super long and neon green plaid and taffeta and I mean, yeah, great job not having it, everyone except me. PLUS it looks sick with those little shoe dudes peeking out there. Skirt from M. Waspus McLacrosse IV Outfitters. Bag by Three-Day-Old Tuna Casserole x H&M Limited Edition Flag Day Designer Collaboration. Nahht. It’s Elaine Turner. I’m looking off into the distance thinking, “You guys, Akon is such a good singer.”

From the front y’all! No one puts Olsen in a corner. Gimme pizza indeed. Croppy toppy from Nasty Gal (similar here). My little baseball jacky is cool, right?

It’s for when I play baseball. Mine’s N/A, as in No you cAn’t buy it, but this one is cool and similar and this one is also cool if you have rollerblades made out of money. Vintage bracelet from that crazy coot of a great aunt I have, who gave me two rad purses. Blue ring by H&M x Courtney Cox: “Friends” are Jewels collection. Other ring by David Yurmz

And ahhh the shoes! By Loeffler Randall. I told you guys, I really do love those dudes.

Anyways, email me now to get on the waiting list to request an invitation for the beta version of having coffee with me: guyspizzasrslypizza@gmail.com

Til then, stay real.

-Ms. ‘Zza