THE HOT PINK INDUSTRY: LET’S SAVE IT

There are a lotta issues (or as I like to call them, ‘ssues) out there, like disease and lost dogs and the weird banging noise coming from your neighbor’s apartment. But one ‘ssue that is the biggest ‘ssue to me as an Upper East Side philanthropist is HOT PINK.

The Hot Pink Industry provides over $19213 million dollars to our economy per year, and 2-7 jobs per freelance banker. And that is why I am #showing #my #support for Hot Pink with this Sophie Hulme coat, which I got from the world’s most magical store, Dagny + Barstow.

That is the face of a hot pink warrior, who gets the saddies beyond saddies when people trot around in black all the time like it’s Halloween and they’re dressed as Jane from Daria dressed as a black cat during the Super Bowl blackout. (Hintasaurus: that’s next year’s big costume. You heard it from me first, folks, and I know the future of blogging.)

You know what I think about that costume?

That’s what I think. Even when I’m in the pleasant environs of God’s country. 

Now let’s look what happens when it occurs to me that everyone could band together and all wear hot pink all the time:

See? That’s almost the face of happiness. It’s not, because you can sort of see in my eyes that I know these exist and yet I don’t have them, but you can see how I might be, for just a minute, approximating happiness. And that’s all due to Hot Pink.

Those are also some fancy shoes I have on there. Here’s me exercising in them:

They’re kinda scuffed because they’re dove gray, like the wings of an angel who has clearly never heard of Hot Cheetos or coffee or hot pink gin (COMING SOON??) and is therefore not worried about getting stuff dirty. But that’s kind of punk, maybe? Which, like, punk things are getting rarer than Vermeer paintings. Please punk out when you can, honestly. 

And wear Hot Pink. #pizzasez 

Sophie Hulme Coat (similar) / James Jeans jeggingz / Ede & Ravencroft scarf / Alexander Wang Shoes / Lizzie Fortunato Bag / SELIMA SPECS DUH. 

Here are all the outfits from Brenton Wood’s “Oogum Boogum”

Not only are Brenton Wood’s dance moves absolutely the most, but whatever girl he’s describing sounds like a total bad-ass & rad dresser.

Oogum oogum boogum boogum
Boogum now baby, you’re castin’ your spell on me
I say, “Oogum oogum boogum boogum
Boogum now baby, you’re castin’ your spell on me.”
You got me doin’ funny things like a clown
Just look at me

When you wear your high-heeled boots with your hip hugger suit
It’s all right, you’re outta sight
And you wear that cute mini-skirt with your brother’s sloppy shirt
I admit it, girl, that I can dig it
Well then I says…

“Oogum oogum boogum boogum
Boogum now baby you’re castin’ your spell on me.”
I say, “Oogum oogum boogum boogum
Boogum now baby you’re castin’ your spell on me.”
You got me doin’ funny things like a clown
Just look at me

When you wear your bell bottom pants
I just stand there in a trance
I can’t move, you’re in the groove
Would you believe little girl that I am crazy ‘bout you?
Now go on with your bad self

Ooooo my my my baby’s got that spell on me
Ooooo now mercy, mercy on me

When you wear those big earrings, long hair, and things
You got style, girl, that sure is wild
And you wear that cute trench coat and you’re standin’ and posin’
You got soul, you got too much soul

I just say, “Who got the blues?” Say, “Who got the blues?”
Say, “Who got the blues? Now castin’ your spell on me.”
Well I say, “Who got the blues?” Say, “Who got the blues…”

WANTED: BIKER GIRL GANG MEMBERS.

When I moved to New York with nothing but a suitcase, a dream, and a hose, I immediately realized that if I wanted to achieve anything approximating greatness, I needed to join the Junior League or start a fashion blog. The latter seemed more prudent, and less in keeping with the expectations of my family, so that’s what I went with. 

Now that I’ve lived here for a full year and have aged like a fine wine to twenty-freaking-four-years-young, I realize something far more important: I need to start a Biker Girl Gang.*

*Without bikes.

I need to start a Biker Girl Gang in which all members wear their hair in swoopy pompadours. All members will have seen every episode of Jem and the Holograms but also every episode of Jiz and the Mammograms.

And I need us all to wear this:

When I put this outfit on, all my wants and desires crystallized. Because in this Biker Girl Gang, we are going to wear backless Risto vests with white button downs that have lime green fringe haunting the back like some freakish baroque fantasia and flimsy lace skirts from The Most Pixie of Markets. Accessorizing with Lizzie Fortunato bags and Jenni Kayne flats will be de rigueur. 

Over our outfits, all of us in the Biker Girl Gang will need to wear BADASS matching jackets like this Anna Sui one that has hit me like a truly great woman might’ve hit Hemingway: it makes me want to write better and drink less gin and generallybe a better person because it is so beautiful and amazing and when I see it I blush and laugh awkwardly and don’t know what to say despite my tendency to talkitytalktalk.

Then we are going to stand around like this and say things like, “Do you think the moon landing was real?” And then we are going to watch documentaries about whether or not the moon landing was real, and then afterwards we’ll stop at the Monkey Bar for a drink and then we’ll all go on a field trip to the Frick and look at that Ingres painting and put our finger on our chins and be like “UUUUNNNNGGGHRUHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” One of our members will have gone to the New School and she’ll say something terribly unclever about the ethereal nature of Countesse d’Haussonville’s limbs and the one who went to Barnard will turn to the one who went to Princeton and whisper, “Did she even study Mannerism?” And then we’ll nickname the New Schooler The Mannerism Repeller. (I wonder if she could get that sewn on the back of her Anna Sui jacket?)

But who will be in my Biker Girl Gang? See that sad face? It’s me, on the street, in Brooklyn, wondering if I’ll ever get my Biker Girl Gang. Please submit all inquiries re: participation in Biker Girl Gang to pizzarulezzz@gmail.com or via Twitter at @rsevillet. In the mean time, I’ll be watching this, listening to this, and, of course, dreaming about this. 

Risto vest from Assembly / pushBUTTON shirt and black skirt from Pixie Market / Selima Optique glasses / Lizzie Fortunato bag / Jenni Kayne flats from Fivestory NY