Fluttershy - Working In Background

Fall is Coming for YOU!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that this is the worst way to begin a piece of writing.

Fall is nigh, and its little tendrils even seem to be in the air for once. I’m sure it will be a thousand degrees at the end of August, but for now it actually feels reasonable to look at a sweater or a pair of leggings or even a coat.

The very first such thing I saw was a miracle of a Rochas sweater in the Moda Operandi boutique ($600). Of course it sold out in five seconds, and although there are varsity-inspired Rochas sweaters all over the place, none of them has this perfect grandfatherly wool and cashmere froth for a collar. I would have worn it to work with the second autumnal delight I stumbled upon, which was this Dries Van Noten Two-Tiered Suiting Skirt ($655), and these Manolo Blahnik Ditoredo Zebra Print Calf Hair Pumps ($845). I would have looked like Sylvia Plath’s intern, and it would have been the greatest autumn of my life. I could have just left work to have dinner at Doubles and everyone would’ve said, “Who’s that?” “Oh, that’s Sylvia Plath’s intern.” “Isn’t Sylvia Plath dead?” “Man, great sweater.”

On the weekend, I would have worn said sweater with these J. Crew Leather Pants (sorry, Pant. Pant singular, but with two legs, as in “J. Crew Two-Legged Leather Pant”) ($850). I tried these on recently, and they fit so incredibly that I fell off my horse, and it was only at that point that I realized I had been riding on a horse. And I would have worn these items with Jenni Kayne Wing Tip flats ($595), because who doesn’t want to look like J.D. Salinger in drag? To complete the J.D. Salinger in drag look, I’d add this Le Chameau Pheasant scarf (about $30), this hat (about $30), and this Dries Van Noten Faux Fur Varsity Coat ($1400). It’s the color of Honey Almonds, which sounds like Sherwin-Williams’s number one seller in Carnegie Hill, but more importantly, it’s got the shape and feel and swing of a raccoon coat, which was a must-have accessory for all the slickest Ancient Eight attendees in the ’20s and ’30s. (I’m not kidding: this is what Yalies wore to football games. I think The Saturday Evening Post was like the Complex of its time, or something.) Put a Medieval Unicorn Pin ($35) on that collar and there you are: J.D. Salinger in drag. I guess you need a bag, also (they really are the best).

No one likes a costume, though, so pipe some jams into your Holy Family of the Adoration-inspired earphones ($15.95), grab some light reading, and get an outside table at Cognac, where you can—and I absolutely guarantee this—overhear things like, “That means nothing: at Buckley, they give you a degree simply for showing up.”

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If I haven’t gotten you on the horn recently to chat, you may not know that I, Ms. Pizza Rulez, am killing it in the pantsuit department. Additionally, I moved away from Brooklyn. 

People are always telling me, “But it’s so dull, up there, where you live!” And you know what? It isn’t. Just yesterday I slurped down a bunch of Bloody Marys, changed back into my hot pink J. Crew corduroy pajama pants, and trotted to Barney’s to try on some shoes. The great thing about Barney’s? No one said anything about my pants. They were just like, “Yes, please, try on all the bubble gum pink Walter Steigers you want, young gun!” Also, they stock some rad Hangisis.

If you’re in the neighb and too busy or proud to head to Barney’s in your pajama pants, however, you can totally wear a suit and go to the Frick and perch on a sofa and look up at Turner’s “Harbor of Dieppe” with your unbrushed hair like Cousin It and everyone will be like, “That’s exactly right, that’s exactly as it should be.” To wit:

J. Crew jacket and pants. Abercrombie Kids boy’s chambray button-down. Stubbs and Wootton shoes (or try these! I’m freaking out about these). Hair

Tell me where in your little “downtown” with its dog parlors and hair salons for plants and “roooooftop lounges” you can do anything like that. Nowhere? Didn’t think so!!! Not for a minute.

So get uptown before next year!