Fluttershy - Working In Background

Just some of my art.

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"Hahahhaa: imagine a musical quintet of just rainsticks!"

This photo was taken mere moments after I realized the futility of existence, and came to accept that all we have in life is a long strand of twinkle lights on which the lights are happiness and the wire is pure joy. Or wait, maybe the wire is happiness and the lights are pure joy. Or one is ecstasy? Regardless, essay forthcoming, but to expand a little here, life is paint-by-numbers, and I am only on number three. Is that how paint-by-numbers works? I couldn’t say. All of my paintings are After Kazimir Malevich (e.g., in the style of). Here’s a recent work of mine, titled Blog on Blog:

                   

           

                     

                           

                           

                                

                         

God, I love a good Kazimir Malevich joke. So did Kazimir Malevich, I hear. For those of you following along at home, Malevich created the Suprematist movement, which is related to cult streetwear brand Supreme, if I’m making things up.

Back to fashion, on which I am an expert: in the next photo, I am going to turn towards the camera, and something you really weren’t expecting is going to be revealed. Outfit, in the case of the skirt that you include…

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…you ARE covered in 3-D accordion pleat-waves! (Outfit cheers, elated at confirmation of 3-D accordion pleat-waves.)

To show the folks at home what we talk about when we talk about 3-D accordion pleat-waves, I’m about to do something daring, something I never do, something that confirms even more for me the sheer randomness and amorphous variety of life—and that something is put my hand in my pocket: 

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3-D accordion pleat-waves! Wow.* WowWwwwWwW!*

I think, also, I’m smiling in that last photo, but I can’t be sure, because I took the photo upside-down.

Thank you as always for joining me. I know better than anyone that when you read this blog I am cornering you with many weird and wild ideas and forcing you to listen, as if I am Coleridge’s Ancient Mariner and you are just trying to get along to your friend’s wedding. But I guarantee that if you stick with me, you’ll wake up tomorrow just like Wedding-Guest: a sadder and a wiser man.

*World of Wines, duh.

Accordion skirt by Martin Lamothe, a wonderful Spanish haus of fashionz headed by designer Elena Martin, who delights in sculpting fabric into sophisticated volumetric oddities.

Basler Jacket. My mother bought this in Switzerland and I stole it as a cool Barbour alternative. I guess you can’t buy it in America.<—-probably the meanest thing you could say to a girl at an Upper East Side all-female high school. There’s a sort of similar one online but it’s in a color so unimaginably horrible that it looks like the seedy underbelly of Art Basel Miami incarnate.

Salvatore Ferragamo shoes. You know, I bought these to wear to work, but they are the world’s most comfortable shoes, and I enjoy putting them on during the weekend and pretending I’m as pretty as my mother who is a total princess. Side note: she and my father won the 1972 award for highest Beauty to Beast ratio, I think.

Chloe purse. This bag has been with me through thick and thin. My parents thought I needed it for job interviews two years ago (?!, but maybe you sort of see where I get it now), and I have had it ever since. I hate it-bags and famous-shaped bags and bags with a big name on them—bags that say, “HELLO, I COULD AFFORD IT.” In fact, I rarely like a bag, and ones I like are usually covered in fur or shaped like a pig or Karl Lagerfeld. But there is nothing funny about this bag, Mister, and it’s refreshing for me to have a moment of aesthetic sincerity. And though it hails from the house of Chloe, it has a quiet sort of shape that means even Fashionologists sometimes inquire as to its provenance.

Lookin’ Hot, Lookin’ Fresh!

Happy autumn! Eat a mooncake! 

My roommate, L’Asian, and I have spent the last few weeks poring over the Lower East Side’s hottest purveyors of zoot suits to get the dopest looks for fall. And you know what? I think we’ve achieved it. Well, at least I have; I can’t speak for old weepy tunes over there

Here I am in this season’s MUST-HAVE 3D INTESTINAL DETAIL SKIRT.

Holy hotdogs, I look freshy-fresher than the coolest thing I can think of. Skirt by Martin Lamothe, availz at Pixie Morket. Boots by Finsk. Jacket by who cares? Does an innocent animal have to die so you can stay warm? (But I mean, this is pretty cool.) 

Now turn to the side….

Where’d I go?! Oh, internet jokes!

Here I am for real with my real bodacious bod, the one that launched a thousand ships:

Bag by the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Company for Target. Body by like 200 of those little mini Snickers bars. More like trick AND treat!!!!

And what’s that you see on my Trendy McTrendoid detachable collar

Oh, just a sweet message for the family viewers at home. 

Sweater by Something Elf by Natalie Could. 

And remember: reach for the moon, because even if you happen to miss you’ll land among the stars.

 stars, stars, starrrrs

Love yourself, love me more,

<3pizza<3<3

Five Easy Steps to Getting Hired by Pizza

If there’s one thing I love, it’s sharing secrets. Today we’re both in luck, because I’m going to share one of the biggest secrets of all, and it’s going to benefit the pants off you*: how to get hired by Pizza Rulez (which is me, in case you didn’t know). In light of my recent quest for a little baby to call my own, I’d like to present you with a play-by-play  blow-by-blow blow-by-play, on how exactly to pander shamelessly to what I’m looking for. And seriously, this advice is so golden, it can be adapted to any old job sitch you might find yourself in.

*I’m not entirely comfortable with the fact that I wrote that phrase.

And now—a la pizza! 

1. First things first I eat your brains. A suit is always a necessity, but there’s nothing like a slice of the fanciful to liven up your business-serious look. So, you know, leopard shoes (“Thank you! I made them from a pony I killed with a chair!”), ’70s fashion editrix goggles, and tiara (“Yes, well, it’s from my quinceanera”). And you really can’t go wrong with stripes on stripes by Yoana Baraschi (on the cover of Women’s Wear Daily and now sold out motha-effing-everywhere). 

2. It bag. 

No wait, actually—

It bags. If you want to work in fashion, which means you want to work in life, then you’re going to need a killer bag to show you know what’s up. But nowadays any old Tom Dick or Harry with a Blackberry and a rich pushover father can have a cool handbag. So show up with an assortment of several of the past few years’ hit baggies: a little Chloe, a little Foley + Corinna, neon Cambridge Satchel, Rebecca Minkoff, and Thursday Friday Together Bag.

3.And if they don’t seem interested during the interview, time to Hail Mary and offer to make it worth their while.

Make sure your hand looks like it belongs to Michelle Tanner’s Ageless Jewish Grandmother Timmifer Mitzvy-Tanner. Otherwise it’s about as meaningless as kissing with no tongue or me writing this blog.

4. Always write thank-you notes and network.

Handwritten is the best, especially if you don’t know what a computer is. Be personal but honest:

Dear Interview—Thank You! You were truly an experience I will remember for a few hours to come. Love, Pizza **sealed with a kiss***

And always have biz cards at the ready with a professional, refined description of yourself and your assests.

5. Be yourself. 

Here I am right before winning my daily award

Got questions? I don’t care. Go ask my boyfriend

See you on the other side. Not death—I mean employment.