Fluttershy - Working In Background

What to Wear to a Holiday Party in this Doorway!

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been invited to a lot of holiday parties. Hosted by me. Of which I am the exclusive (e.g., only) attendee. In this doorway.

What does one wear, bearing in mind that first impressions are more important than second or even third impressions?

First of all, I look amazing!!!!! Photos by Mz. Tchouster duh.

Luckily, before I even heard about this party, I was already really into standing in front of black doors wearing all black. It’s one of the top-rated things to do in Carnegie Hill.

Which reminds me: in all the New York neighborhoods in which I’ve lived, I’ve had millyunz of local blogs to choose from, from the hip and bustlin’ LES to the up-and-combovers Prospect Heights to that great metropolitan punchline Park Slope. But there is actually no Upper East Side blog.

EXCEPT MINE!!!!!!!!!!

Acknowledging my dominion over the virtual landscape of this prized zip code, I will move on and tell you what I’m wearing.

And what I’m wearing is, a black droopy blazer jacket thing from Pixie Market; a dress from Nasty Gal, my mother’s Chanel Belt (they get them in every once in a while at Decades if you’re jonesin’ hard for one) that I wear as a necklace with a Mark McNairy tshirt south of 14th Street; Bebaroque tights that are covered in crazy fancy sequins because when I put them on it’s like “And in that moment, I swear we were Beyonce”; and some Dani Black shoes from like four years ago.

Actually all of this is from like four years ago, and was a favorite outfit of mine to “GO OUT!!! to cool frat parties!!! 18 to get on the boat, 21 to know true genius!” in college. Yeah, it looked sort of weird then, removed from its Black Doorway context. But now it looks fine, even though it’s all four years old. Or at least I’ll tell myself that, because right now I am in this thing where I am afraid to buy things that aren’t Manolo Blahnik mules or old books.

Is anyone else in this thing where they are afraid to buy things that aren’t Manolo Blahnik mules or old books? Let me know in the comments section I don’t have!!!! (AUDIENCE ENGAGEMENT!)

Regardless, get the look!

Well well well.

If it isn’t ME.

You know, a lot of person has been asking me, “Say, Pizza, what does one put on when one advertises one’s desire for an intern for their critically-acclaimed personal style and personal fitness blog?”

Lucky for you—I documented it. Last night I had a moment of enlightenment. I knew I needed to turn my life around, and after a big long think, I knew there were only two options: go to AA meetings, or get an intern.

So obviously I decided the latter was more prudent. But first I had to put my thinking cap on, which is to say, I had to put a cool outfit on.

Like an Asian mother visiting Disneyland for the eighteenth time, the roommate was clutching at her camera, snapping away. 

Just like the very first time, I was totally taken aback when I came out of my room after over a month of living in there amidst musty Cheez-It boxes and vintage gowns (jaykay, have totally just been working), and she was just THERE, waiting to take PHOTOS of ME.

Awww! Remember this sugarpuss? (Hint: it’s me.) It’s a cold, cold place when you’re writing a Craigslist ad for an intern, man. Reality is a frozen lake and only the warm-blooded fish survive. Or something. So I needed this vintage sweater-sleeve fur jacket I just got at the Brooklyn Flea last weekend, or I was gonna suffer from hyperthermia. (Isn’t that the name of the tenth muse?)

Vintage jacket (how many times do I have to say this?). Shoes by Alexander Wang (just like I promised! Look who’s sitting with the cool kids at lunch!). Dress by Yoana Baraschi.

And what a dress it is. A giant martini glass printed on a rad silk t-shirt dress, with an aspirin pill right underneath it. It’s like it’s saying, “You know, let’s just put it all out on the table.”

…but leave a little something for dessert!!!! 

And right before I sat down to pen that piece of glory, I thought to myself, Hey, I have an extreme character flaw, and that character flaw is that I don’t look enough like a rapper. And so I threw on my mom’s Chanel gold chain belt as a necklace.

Well. Someone took the Express Train to Cool City USA.

That explains my success in the intern hunt…which is still afoot. APPLY AWAY OR…CRY…AWAY.

A waterfall of kisses landing in a splash of hugs,

Ms. Pizza Herself